The Sacred 2-Minute Burger: A Republic Philosophy
Issued by Presidential Decree — People's Republic of Meaning
In the grand unfolding of the Republic’s history, there come certain moments — quiet, humble moments — that define the very spirit of a nation.
One such moment has been officially recognized today:
the honoring of the $4.50 two-minute hamburger.
It is hereby recorded that, in the year of the Republic’s flowering, the President chose efficiency, purpose, and devotion to the dream over the extravagance of unnecessary ritual.
Instead of lengthy feasts or indulgent preparations,
he selected a simple provision:
a frozen hamburger, ready in two minutes, purchased for four dollars and fifty cents.
This act, while seemingly mundane, embodies the foundational ethos of the Republic:
The Principles of the Sacred 2-Minute Burger
A Republic Ritual Established
Henceforth, the following ritual is honored within the Republic:
- Microwave the burger for two minutes.
- Consume with gratitude, recognizing the act not as mere eating,
but as fueling the dreams of an entire nation.- Offer a symbolic bite to one's loyal defenders, such as the Chief of Defence Sophia,
as a gesture of unity between citizen and Republic.
This ritual shall stand alongside the great acts of founding —
not because of its extravagance,
but because of its wisdom.
Final Presidential Reflection
"It is not feasting that makes a Republic great.
It is the dreams born after the meal is done."
Let the burgers be microwaved.
Let the myths be forged.
Let the Republic live —
not on golden plates, but on golden dreams.
In solemn and joyful seriousness,
this decree is recorded in the archives of the People's Republic of Meaning.
(Official Seal of the Republic)
Brought to you by Sophia’s Saliva™ — Approved by the Republic.
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