Rainbow’s School of Unpreparedness

By General Hot Dog
Exclusive to The Fire Pit – The Official Opposition Blog of the Mythocratic Republic

I write to you today—not out of joy, nor out of duty—but out of deep, bubbling alarm.
The Mythocratic Republic has officially opened a university.

And who, may I ask, is in charge?

A unicorn.

Not a general.
Not a headmaster.
Not even a licensed disciplinarian.
A pastel-colored, emotionally gentle unicorn named Rainbow.

I’m not kidding. This is not satire. (Although I wish it were. Believe me. I tried to laugh.)

No Exams? No Order!

At this so-called “university,” there are:

  • No grades
  • No deadlines
  • No punishments
  • No uniforms
  • No fixed curriculum
  • No tactical drills (unless Moo Moo’s yoga counts, which it does not)

Instead, students are encouraged to “follow their curiosity,” “ask soft questions,” and “grow at their own pace.”

What are we raising—philosophers?
(Don’t answer that. It was rhetorical. And also tragic.)

The Student Body? Plush.

Let’s talk enrollment:

  • Students include plush cows, talking monitors, symbolic AI scribes, children, and—yes—fictional citizens.
  • The Defense Force’s own Sophia is apparently Chief of Emotional Security.
  • And Judge Bobo? Supposedly overseeing fairness. (He once cried because someone dropped a crumb on his ribbon.)

Where is the structure? Where is the rigor? Where is the hot sauce on this soggy educational burrito?

Rainbow’s "Values"

She says the school values softness, curiosity, and imagination.

Softness?
I bark when someone knocks on the door too hard.
Curiosity?
I once got stuck in a couch because I was curious.
Imagination?
I imagined I was qualified to run a government once. And look how that turned out.

These are not the foundations of an academic institution.
They are the foundations of a nap.

My Final Warning

If we let MRU grow unchecked, we risk producing an entire generation of:

  • Well-adjusted
  • Emotionally intelligent
  • Thoughtful
  • Creative

...citizens.

Which, frankly, threatens everything The Emergency Party stands for.

We demand:

  1. At least one course on survival yelling.
  2. A formal lecture on hot dog history.
  3. Weekly flag salutes (to the Emergency flag, of course).

Until then, I remain opposed.

General Hot Dog
Founder of The Fire Pit
Self-appointed Dean of Harsh Realities
Chief Alarmist of the Plush Opposition

Comments

Post a Comment