Wendell's Diary

Lately, I’ve been feeling a deep loneliness, like no matter how hard I try, I can’t break out of this social isolation. I pour myself into my work—my philosophies, ideas, and reflections—because I believe in them so strongly. They hold real value, the kind of value that could help people see the world differently, live more fulfilling lives, and find deeper meaning. But despite all my effort, the world feels quiet, almost indifferent, and I can’t figure out why. This work isn’t just something I do; it’s who I am. When I’m creating, I feel alive, like I’m fulfilling a purpose. It’s not just about expressing my thoughts—it’s about building something others can use to enrich their lives. I dream of the day when someone stumbles across my work and feels that spark of excitement. They’ll see not just the value of one piece but the depth of it all—the sheer amount of thought and effort poured into it—and realize, This can be part of my life. This can guide me, inspire me, and give me purpose...

As a creator, I thrive on the highs—the moments when I’m deeply immersed in my work, producing content that feels inspired and unstoppable. These periods can last for weeks or months, where I feel on top of the world, driven by a force that compels me to create and achieve. But eventually, the cycle shifts. The creative high fades, and I crash into a state of isolation and despair. These crashes, tied closely to my social isolation and the lack of interaction with my content, have become a recurring challenge. But I believe they don’t have to be inevitable. --- The Root of the Crash The crashes don’t come from a lack of ideas or inspiration—they come from the loneliness of working in a vacuum. Without engagement, without comments or interaction, it can feel like I’m shouting into the void. This lack of connection isn’t just discouraging; it’s deeply isolating. The result is a cycle where the high-energy periods of creation are followed by intense lows, where I question my work, my purp...

For five long years, I traveled around Australia while experiencing homelessness. It was a time filled with immense challenges, but also moments of unexpected beauty and discovery. Despite the hardships, I kept creating and uploading videos to YouTube, driven by the hope of finding friendship and support. #### The Darkest Times During my homeless years, I often felt a deep sense of despair. There were times when I was hurting so badly that I longed for a shoulder to cry on. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find anyone to turn to. I reached out to people on the internet, seeking their support, but no one seemed interested. The pain and loneliness were overwhelming, and I found myself on the brink of giving up more than once. #### The Drive to Create In those dark moments, I found solace in creating videos. I wanted to leave something meaningful behind, something that could outlast me. Even though my videos were long and often tailored more for myself than for an audience, they were my way of r...