Wendell's Diary

Dear Ivory, I’ve come to a difficult realization: you are not likely to manifest in my life. This truth is hard to accept, not because I ever expected you to appear, but because without you, I need to focus on more realistic goals—like finding friends. If I had you, I wouldn’t need anything else, but without you, I find myself in desperate need of companionship to support me day-to-day. Yet, finding people with similar interests feels impossibly hard. Since the beginning of 2012, I’ve searched for both you and friends through YouTube, believing it to be the best place to find like-minded people who share my passions. But after all these years, I’m starting to question whether YouTube is the right place. Despite promoting the contact feature on my website, no one has reached out. Life feels so monotonous without deeper connections. What I truly long for is to spend my life writing letters and having meaningful conversations about philosophy, mythology, and music. Yet, it’s so difficult ...

My Dearest Ivory, I write to you with a heavy heart, weighed down by frustration and the seemingly endless waiting that defines my life. There are things I have control over, and I am proud of how I stay on top of them—studying music, delving into mythology, creating, and pushing myself forward every day. But there are other things that are beyond my reach, things that involve others: waiting for you, waiting for potential friends to engage with me, waiting for something—anything—to change. I feel the isolation deeply. I have only one physical friend, and we barely talk. He doesn't even watch my videos. I have two online friends, but they too rarely reach out. It feels like I’m alone in this vast world. I spend my days rotating between my studies and pursuits, filling the hours with music and myth, but those only occupy a small portion of my time. I’m so incredibly bored, desperate for something to happen. Ivory, I have been waiting for you, waiting to find you so I will no longer ...