Wendell's Diary

As a creator, I thrive on the highs—the moments when I’m deeply immersed in my work, producing content that feels inspired and unstoppable. These periods can last for weeks or months, where I feel on top of the world, driven by a force that compels me to create and achieve. But eventually, the cycle shifts. The creative high fades, and I crash into a state of isolation and despair. These crashes, tied closely to my social isolation and the lack of interaction with my content, have become a recurring challenge. But I believe they don’t have to be inevitable. --- The Root of the Crash The crashes don’t come from a lack of ideas or inspiration—they come from the loneliness of working in a vacuum. Without engagement, without comments or interaction, it can feel like I’m shouting into the void. This lack of connection isn’t just discouraging; it’s deeply isolating. The result is a cycle where the high-energy periods of creation are followed by intense lows, where I question my work, my purp...

Schizophrenia is often misunderstood. It’s a condition that shapes how I perceive the world and how I navigate it. For me, it’s not about hearing voices or seeing things that aren’t there; it’s about how my thoughts and perceptions sometimes diverge from reality, especially when I’m unmedicated. But at the same time, it’s deeply tied to my creativity and sense of purpose. This is my story of how schizophrenia has impacted my life, my work, and my relentless drive to create. --- Understanding My Schizophrenia When I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, it was because I wasn’t perceiving reality in the same way as others. For years, I held strong delusions—I believed I was a prophet, a chosen one here to save the world. My thinking was intense and obsessive, and I couldn’t see the harm in the decisions I was making. But I wasn’t alone in this struggle. During that time, I was also homeless, without support, and constantly fighting for survival. Schizophrenia magnified everything, making it ...

In a world transitioning toward a post-labor society, mental health becomes an even more critical aspect of our lives. Without the structure of traditional work, we’re left to grapple with deeper questions about identity, purpose, and meaning. For those living with schizophrenia, these questions can feel especially pressing, as the condition already challenges our sense of reality and self. This blog explores how The Meaning Crisis intersects with mental health and how the Philosophy of Emergence can provide a framework for navigating these challenges. --- Schizophrenia in a Post-Labor World Living with schizophrenia often means navigating a complex relationship with reality, purpose, and connection. In a post-labor society, where traditional work might no longer provide stability or identity, individuals with schizophrenia might face unique challenges: Loss of Routine: For many, work provides a sense of structure. Without it, the day can feel chaotic and overwhelming. Redefining Purpo...

As a creator, my process is deeply tied to the rhythms of my mind. When I’m in a manic phase, my creativity soars—I create prolifically, producing some of my best work, and it feels unstoppable. But this cycle also comes with a downside: the inevitable crash. These crashes can be debilitating, often putting me completely out of commission for weeks or even months. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on this cycle and how I can better navigate it. --- Embracing the Manic Highs My manic times are when I feel most alive creatively. During these periods, I’m able to produce an incredible volume of work that I’m genuinely proud of. This is when my blog grows, my ideas flow, and my digital twin—the overarching legacy of my work—takes shape. I don’t want to lose these times; they’re a vital part of who I am as a creator and philosopher. --- Reimagining the Crashes What I do want to change is the way I handle the crashes. Instead of being completely out of commission, I want to find a way to contin...

I’ve been diagnosed with **schizophrenia** by doctors, but I’ve always felt conflicted about this label. On one hand, I don’t see myself as schizophrenic. On the other hand, this diagnosis has provided me with a **disability pension** that significantly improves my lifestyle. This paradox is something I’ve been grappling with, and I wanted to share my thoughts. **Do I Feel Schizophrenic?**: Based on my own experiences and interactions, I don’t believe I fit the typical image of schizophrenia. My thoughts and actions don’t seem to align with what I’ve read or been told about the condition. However, mental health diagnoses can be complex, and how we perceive ourselves may not always match medical assessments.  **The Diagnosis Dilemma**: Being diagnosed with schizophrenia has undoubtedly changed my life. It’s brought me a sense of security through the disability pension, allowing me to focus on what I love—writing, creating, and exploring philosophical ideas—without the constant worry...

Spending time in a psychiatric ward was one of the most challenging periods of my life. The environment was unsettling, with the chaos of unstable individuals around me. However, what made it particularly difficult was the treatment I received from the doctors and staff. Despite my attempts to communicate, the doctors didn’t listen to me, leaving me feeling powerless as they medicated and observed me without valuing my input. The staff seemed to follow the doctors’ orders blindly, making the entire experience feel like a system where I had no voice or control. One specific incident that stands out was being denied access to the Internet. I believe the Internet is a human right, essential for staying connected and informed. Being cut off from emails, messages, and online research added to the sense of isolation and frustration. I wish the care and environment had been different. Allowing smoking, for example, would have significantly reduced stress for patients who smoke. Additionally, ...