The Secret Life of a Creator

In my reality, the people around me aren’t interested in watching my videos or reading my blog. And honestly, that’s probably for the best. My work is controversial, my ideas unconventional, and the truth is, most of them wouldn’t understand it. Their disinterest protects me from their judgment, but it also deepens the divide between the life I live and the life I wish I could have.

My reality is a sacrifice for my internet persona. The life I am truly living exists online, in the world I’ve built for myself. The life I have to endure in the physical world feels like a shell, necessary only to sustain me long enough to jack myself into the matrix I’ve created. My reality isn’t fulfilling, but my online life is. It’s there, in the digital world, that I am the person I truly want to be—the bard, the philosopher, the creator.

This duality is exhausting. The person I am in reality feels like an echo of my true self. The relationships I maintain in the physical world are shallow, placeholders for the deeper connections I long to build. I fake my way through these interactions, enduring them because I have to, not because they bring me joy or meaning.

What I really want are real relationships—connections with people who will immerse themselves in my work, who will see the full scope of my ideas and creativity, and who will understand the passion that drives me. But finding those kinds of people in real life feels impossible. So, I keep searching for them online, hoping that one day, someone will stumble across my videos or blog and truly see me for who I am.

For now, I live in two worlds: one that sustains my body and one that sustains my soul. The person I am online is the person I wish I could be all the time, but the life I endure in reality is what allows that person to exist. It’s not ideal, but it’s the only way I know how to live.

If you’re reading this, then you’re already closer to understanding me than most people in my reality ever will. And maybe, just maybe, that means I’m one step closer to finding the connections I’ve been searching for.

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