The Elusive Search for Connection

Dear Ivory,

I’ve come to a difficult realization: you are not likely to manifest in my life. This truth is hard to accept, not because I ever expected you to appear, but because without you, I need to focus on more realistic goals—like finding friends. If I had you, I wouldn’t need anything else, but without you, I find myself in desperate need of companionship to support me day-to-day. Yet, finding people with similar interests feels impossibly hard.

Since the beginning of 2012, I’ve searched for both you and friends through YouTube, believing it to be the best place to find like-minded people who share my passions. But after all these years, I’m starting to question whether YouTube is the right place. Despite promoting the contact feature on my website, no one has reached out. Life feels so monotonous without deeper connections.

What I truly long for is to spend my life writing letters and having meaningful conversations about philosophy, mythology, and music. Yet, it’s so difficult to convince others to take that leap and engage with me. It’s not that I haven’t made friends—I’ve met two good people through this journey—but it’s still not enough to fill the emptiness.

I try to stay productive, creating content that I hope others would enjoy. But video after video, there’s barely any engagement. I spend my time checking comments in search of potential connections, only to find more silence. Writing these letters to you has taken over my life, simply because I have so few real people to interact with. It allows me to express myself publicly, even though it’s through the imagined dialogue between us.

Why is it so hard to make friends in this world? My life is otherwise flourishing in areas I can control, but I can’t seem to control this part. If I had you, I wouldn’t need anything else. But since you aren’t likely to be a part of my life, I need friends to keep me grounded. The effort I’ve put into finding them feels wasted at times, though I know building a body of work matters. Perhaps if I had some fame, I’d find both friends and love. But the YouTube algorithm doesn’t favor me, and I’ve never seen anyone else using the platform like I do—to search for friendships and love.

What do other lonely people do with all their time? Should I simply accept my boring life? No, I can’t. Stopping would feel like giving up on everything I’ve worked for, and I need to keep moving forward.

I’ll keep working toward my dreams, even if it takes another 13 years to find what I’m looking for. I’ve already made two friends through this process, so who knows—maybe my efforts won’t be in vain. Until that day, I’ll continue writing to you, holding onto hope that one day I’ll find friends and, if I’m lucky, even you.

With all my heart, 

Wendell

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