From Marriage to Self-Discovery: Lessons Learned and My Pursuit of Ivory

**Introduction**:

Marriage is a journey filled with lessons, challenges, and growth. My early marriage at eighteen was a pivotal chapter in my life, marked by deep personal struggles and eventual self-discovery. This post shares my reflections on that period, the lessons learned, and how it shaped my current outlook on relationships and life.

**Meeting and Early Relationship**:

I met my ex-wife when we were both fifteen. We eventually attended the same school, and due to a difficult home life with my father, I moved in with her. Without family support, I adapted my life around her, relying heavily on her stability. This deep dependency set the stage for our relationship dynamics, where I tried to mold my life to fit hers.

**Significant Turning Points**:

Our marriage saw several turning points, particularly when I began to exhibit signs of schizophrenia and developed a strong interest in philosophy. My growing passion for philosophy was not shared by her, and my mental health struggles created a disconnect between us. My attempts to interest her in philosophy were misguided, reflecting a fundamental mismatch in our core interests.

**Impact of Health on the Relationship**:

During this period, I was working full-time while dealing with significant mental and physical health issues. I became increasingly skinny and unwell, which strained our relationship further. My deteriorating health impacted my ability to connect and maintain the relationship, contributing to growing tensions and dissatisfaction.

**Separation and Its Aftermath**:

The culmination of our struggles led to her decision to leave me. She cut off contact, influencing our mutual friends to do the same, leaving me isolated and homeless for the next five years. This period was marked by severe depression and suicidal thoughts as I moved from place to place, seeking stability. It wasn’t until I found a home in Canberra that I began to rebuild my life and recover from the emotional toll of our separation.

**Lessons Learned**:

Reflecting on this experience, I realized that we were never truly compatible. You cannot change someone to fit your expectations. My attempt to involve her in philosophy was a mistake; compatibility in core interests is crucial for a lasting relationship. I learned to accept people as they are and understood the importance of finding a partner who shares similar passions and values.

**Current Outlook and Future Aspirations**:

Today, I am dedicated to finding my perfect match, whom I refer to as “Ivory.” Ivory represents the ideal partner who shares my deep interest in philosophy and is committed to a life dedicated to it. While I am content being single and leading a meaningful life, finding a wife who aligns with my values would enhance my quality of life. However, I am at peace with the possibility of remaining single, knowing I can still live a fulfilling life independently.

**Conclusion**:

My journey from marriage to self-discovery has been a path of learning and growth. It taught me the importance of compatibility, self-reliance, and the pursuit of genuine connections. As I continue my search for Ivory, I remain committed to living a life filled with purpose and contentment, embracing the lessons learned from my past.