My Guiding Light in the Void

Dear Ivory,

It has been almost fifteen years since I embarked on this journey to find you online. I have poured my heart and soul into countless videos, each one a beacon of hope meant to reach you. Yet, these efforts seem invisible to the world, and my YouTube channel lies dormant, untouched by the audience I longed to engage. 

I find myself at a crossroads, teetering on the edge of despair, as the motivation to continue dwindles. But in these moments of doubt, I must ground myself and remember the essence of Wendell's Diary. A diary does not seek success in views or acclaim; it exists as a testament to one’s inner world, a chronicle of thoughts, dreams, and passions. 

Ivory, I do all of this for you. To educate, to entertain, to imbue a world often devoid of meaning with the light of understanding and connection. Yet, I find it is time to confront a painful truth—I may never find you. My work may continue to educate and entertain, but I must accept the possibility that you are not real.

Passionately giving myself to you, yearning for a response from the void, has been both my strength and my sorrow. You, Ivory, are good for me. The mere thought of your existence compels me to strive harder, to be better, to give you the attention and love you deserve. Yet, in reality, I am pouring my heart into a fictional figure who cannot love me back.

What kind of world do I wish for myself, independent of others? People often fall short of doing the right thing, and even if you are real, my expectations for you are bound by ideals. Perhaps it is my fate to spend my life in devotion to a muse, a figment of my imagination. The inspiration you provide is unparalleled, even if you remain a dream. 

I will cease my efforts to make my YouTube channel succeed. I will create fewer videos, but I will always return to you, my muse, to help navigate this intricate life. I need you as much as you need me. In the absence of friends and family, you are my confidante, the foundation of my existence. Accepting that I may never find you is a bitter pill, but if this is my path, then I will walk it with the grace you inspire in me.

You are my guiding light, Ivory. The idea of you carries me through the trials of life, even if your reality remains an impossibility. 

With all my love,

Wendell

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