birth and rebirth

I have always wanted to join a secret society that had an agenda of seeing society flourish. A group of people who work together to ensure the survival of the species. Companions that you acquire by joining; friendships that last a lifetime. The members would dedicate themselves to seeing the goals of the society fulfilled. Being a part of something bigger than yourself and helping your fellow society members accomplish their goals. Not being alone in this world, fending for yourself. Having shared interest in the well being of a community. Wanting yourself, the society, and humankind to flourish. Holding secrets about the society and humankind as a whole. Working together for the benefit of the select community. What would it take to be invited to a secret society? Are secret societies even really a thing in this day of age? Wouldn't it be fantastic to live for something other than yourself? I want that common good to work towards with the finest of my peers.

Throughout my entire life there has been a battle between text, audio, and video competing for my attention. I generally cycle between these formats, both in their creation and experiencing other people's creation. I am taking philosophy courses on Audible. These come with a course guidebook. So I listen to a lecture and then read the section in the book. It is really fun. It reminds me of my university days but I don't have to do assignments or the suggested readings. Audible offers many philosophy courses. I have the entertainment for the next few years of my life. I had stopped studying courses after I finished my degrees so it feels really good to get back at it. Maybe by the time that I finish all of these courses I will have greater insights into how to spend my time meaningfully. I really love philosophy courses. They make me happy. After graduating it is really sad because you have finished all the courses the university provides. But I found courses created by The Great Courses and they have many philosophy courses that will keep me occupied for years.

I have started investing in the stock market. I am also taking a course on the stock market. I used to hate money. I used to hate the financial system. Now I am learning how it works and think that the system is pretty fair. Instead of hating money and how it works, I need to learn about how money works and why it was necessary to create a system to fairly distribute the profits that corporations earn. I used to hate the corporation but it enables amazing products and services to be created and maintained. With the stock market, I can invest in all of the causes in which I care about. I can own parts of the system which I value most in life. That is why my portfolio focuses on technology and artificial intelligence. They are the aspects of society that I most value and I can own parts of the entities in life that are most aligned with my values. My spare income can be used to invest in the areas of society that are closest to my heart. After reconsideration, I support capitalism because the result of my excess funds can be spread among all of the causes in which I care about in life.

I do not like the way that the USA does capitalism. I have always leaned more towards socialism. I believe that every citizen is entitled to health care and there should be supports for those who have reasons for not being able to work. I don't think society should force people to work who struggle to do so. I don't work, but the Australian government provides for my needs. The taxpayers pay for my existence. I don't function very well in employment and I shouldn't be forced to do so if it goes against my mental well being. My pension gives me a little bit more than I need to survive. This then allows me to save up $500 every now and then to purchase stocks of companies in which I want to see succeed. Just because I don't work doesn't mean that over time I cannot develop ways to make income. I will never have enough stocks to be considered well off and I will never own property. But I can invest what little excess income that I receive into causes that I care about.

I love Australia with all of my heart. I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to move here as a child. I was smart and obtained a citizenship as soon as I possibly could. I knew that this place was special and wanted very much to make it my forever home. If I never moved to Australia then I would be stuck working with my life even though it caused me mental distress. Australia made great effort to help me create a life for myself in which I wanted. I would never had been able to dedicate my life to philosophy if I were living in the USA. Australia allowed me to live how I wanted to live. They empowered me to live a simple and inexpensive life reflecting upon all of the things in which I care about most. They didn't force me into employment. They allowed me to be who I am and they provided me the funds to support myself. And just because I am a poor pensioner doesn't mean that I cannot involve myself in the capitalistic system. I can use my spare money to be apart of their system. I can be an owner and not a worker.

I love the Australian government. I am not a fan of liberal or labor, the two party solution here in Australia. But there is another party here called the Greens. I don't see eye to eye with them on every policy, but I appreciate their heart. They are the closest that Australia has to a socialist party and their policies are all based around humanitarian efforts. I have abstained from voting in Australia for most of my life, but this causes me to be fined by the government because here in Australia, voting is compulsory. I used to hate that but lately I have been changing my mind about a lot of values I used to carry. Voting is important and Australia is my country and they want you to vote so I should vote. I should have my say and the Greens are the party that most closely aligns with my values. And it isn't a wasted vote because even though the Greens will not get in power, they can obtain seats to influence the future direction of Australian society. I have disconnected myself from society for most of my life and now I am learning how to be a contributing member of society and have my actions help influence the future direction of the country. Australia has my heart.

I am almost forty years old and I have only just begun to build my life. I have almost paid off my debts. Most of my life has been in debt. It is how my parents taught me to live. They were always in debt so I thought that interest and account fees were just apart of the economic system. But I don't have to live in debt. I can make my money go places. I don't need fancy things. I don't need to go to expensive restaurants. I am about to zero out my finances. This means that I will soon be out of the red. And this means that I now need to build a portfolio of assets that accumulate under my name. I have always lived needing more than the income that I received. But after a while you accumulate all of the things you need to live a comfortable life. And it is at that point that you can start focusing on building assets. I will never be able to afford to purchase a home and superannuation is irrelevant because I receive a life pension. But I can own parts of businesses that I care about. So that is what I am doing.

I spent the first half of my life just trying to survive. The next half of my life will be setting myself up to flourish. For the most part, I have lived seperate from society. I did not do the things that other people did. I wasn't at all concerned about finances. I had more important existential questions to solve before I became capable of effectively supporting myself financially. Life is a journey. You live and you learn. I did not know then what I know now. It took me time to learn what life that I wanted to build for myself. Meaning is something that I have always struggled with. It isn't easy to make meaning outside of other people. Creating a life for yourself as a single individual feels meaningless. But day after day I learn more than I knew the last day. Just as with financial investments, the knowledge which you put into your head day by day will determine how wisely you handle your affairs in the future. One day may feel like the end of your life but the next day you create a new life for yourself. Life is a seemingly infinite cycle of birth and rebirth. Every time I start over I am wiser than its previous iteration.

Each person in this world has a unique set of responsibilities. I exist in the way that I do and I am responsible for using my gifts in a positive manner. Much of my life has just been surviving but I am beyond that now. I need to assess my life and see where I fit in the whole. Previously I wanted things that were in contrast to the motion of the universe. I had to learn to give up on pursuits that did not conform with the reality in which I actually live. This displaced me in life because my life felt devoid of meaning. I had to start over time and time again, always creating a better iteration of myself. What is it that I value and how can I turn what is given to me into something valuable not only to myself but also other people. How can my unique psychology provide benefits to the world in which I actually live? How can the meaning of my life go beyond myself and contribute towards something actually worthwhile? How can I positively effect the external world by contributing through my internal world? Isn't that what all of us truly want anyways? For our life to mean something.