social creature

Another day has started and I am out of ideas how to spend it. This happens every morning when the angst of my loneliness sets in. How will I survive another day of boredom? Do I have any good video ideas? Am I in a creative mood? Life really sucks when I am not feeling creative. My entertainment in life rides on me making myself entertainment. If I do not work hard to provide myself entertainment, then I will not be entertained. I will just sit here with nothing to do. How can I not find one meaningful source from a contactable individual? My favourite online philosopher has let me down and begun to spout philosophies that are harmful to the human population. He was the only online philosopher that I followed. And now I have lost respect for him.

So besides news sources, I experience almost no external media. The philosophers that I want to follow don't yet exist online. I have to inspire them to exist. I have found no media in this world with deep meaning from people who are contactable. Why would I waste my time watching media from people that will never become my friend? Why would I want to invest in someone who will never invest in me? Is it really so wrong to want content producers as friends? I want to find people with an open heart who are willing to share their lives with me. And I can get to know someone very well by the fruits in which they produce. This all makes total sense to me. A group of content producing friends who share their lives with the community and each other. Private friendships can rarely provide true meaningful connections because people are generally very closed. Public friendships could make the dreams come true of a group of content producers and thus inspire the world to care about philosophy.

How is mainstream media even my competitor? Their products are trash. Little to no meaning is shared in their productions. So why do I feel like they are taking my audience away from me and indoctrinating them into toxic philosophies? They waste the public's time and here I am trying to give the public something meaningful to live for. I really hate mainstream media. I hope one day to get big enough to compete with it. They are stealing my friends! Not cool. I want the attention of everybody who has an ear to hear. If I can grab your attention for enough time to show you true meaning, then maybe one day you will stop watching mainstream media. It is really bad for your mental health. You need someone to follow with a good vision of life who can direct you in the best paths to take. You don't need people indoctrinating you into toxic ideologies.

Should I stop trying to get the world to entertain me? Maybe my life is just one where I have to entertain myself. Maybe I am unique and am the only person in this world capable of creating meaning. Maybe this quest to train content producers will fail because the human population just isn't geared for philosophy. Maybe I am the only content producer that is worth my time. Maybe I need to learn how to be creative all of the time and just spend all of my time creating works. If the world can't entertain me, then I must learn how to do it myself. I am always so happy when I am writing and making videos. But that happiness stops when I stop doing it. Maybe I need to become a machine and just never stop producing.

This all sounds very hopeful, but is that even possible? I don't have good ideas all of the time. A lot of the time I have nothing to say. So if I am lost for words, how can I create them? I must find a solution to my boredom. It drives me crazy. And any one person can't fix it. Because even if I make another friend, it is unlikely that we will spend many hours of each day talking. This solution needs to ride on more than one person. I need to have many people coming to me, asking me questions, and talking to me regularly. One person can't fix my life. Developing an active online social life can. But how can I do that? How is an isolated person supposed to find friends? I thought that by sharing my life publicly that I would attract friends. But that has failed to happen. So what do I do next? All I can do is keep begging the public to be my friend.

To kill boredom, I oftentimes revisit my past productions. I enjoy experiencing my own work again. This is especially true with more recent content. I reread or rewatch a production that I recently made. This helps me remember where I am and where I am going. My current work inspires the direction that I take in my future work. I get to know very well what I am doing and this guides my next step. Sometimes I go back and visit really old work but that is rare. But it is sometimes helpful to reflect on where you were and where you have come since then. Sometimes I get in bad moods where I don't even want to see my work. This results in even more boredom. But I am playing the hand that I was dealt. I am doing the best that I can with what I have. And I am trying very hard to find solutions to my problems.

I couldn't be active all of the time even if I wanted to be. A lot of my time is spent charging my phone. That is my required downtime. But that isn't too bad waiting for the phone to charge. What is bad is when you have a full charge and nothing to say or do. I want to be using my phone. I absolutely love the technology of a phone. It could be your complete entertainment solution if you just had a social life with it. My phone is so underutilised. Most of the time it just sits there. I want to be interacting with my phone all day. But no, the world has other plans for me. For the most part, my phone is my complete production studio. I write and make videos with it. But when I am not writing or making videos, I am doing nothing except obsessively checking my YouTube statistics.

So many times I open my phone and then just sit there on the home screen unsure what to do. This time I decided to open up my notepad and write a little bit more. Do I have anything to say? No. Does that stop me? No. A phone has so much potential. If I were just socially connected with it then I would be in heaven. All of my physical needs in this world are taken care of. I can let my imagination free on the Internet. I have nothing else to do so why not? I want to revolve my world around my phone. But my phone doesn't give me enough interesting things to look at. It is waiting for you to join my team. My phone wants you to be an active part of its existence. Why don't you interact with these posts? I am waiting for you to become an important part of my life.

I am a social creature. Yet here I am alone. I am not receiving my social nutrition. I am starving for meaningful interactions. Is it my fault that I am alone? Maybe. But this is a huge social issue. I am here pouring my heart out publicly and no one is responding. But how bad is it for the lonely people out there who are not content producers? I actually have a chance at finding friends because I am a public person. Their situation is hopeless. The world will never provide them the friends that they so seek. Good friends are rare to find. What if I lived the same life that I do but was not a content producer? Life would be a living hell. I am glad that at least I have possibility. My life could heal. I can make friends. It all just depends on how good I am at convincing you to become my friend.