Wendell's Diary

A new year is before me. What will I make it? This year was very productive and I found a new friend. If this year was spent establishing myself, then what can I make next? My goals in life are clear. I see more clearly now than I have ever seen before. Goals for 2024: find friends and find love. Grow as a content creator. Be the change that I want to see in the world. Stop being lonely. Find positive ways to spend my time other than sitting and being bored. Continue to contribute ideas to the community. Be a good role model for others to follow. Find peace within myself and who I am as an individual. Become content in being alone. What does 2024 have in store for me? There is only one way to find out. I have to live it. I am obsessed with crafting my own world to exist within. In my childhood I could not do this. I was placed inside other people's worlds and could not break free from them. I didn't do myself any favours by marrying young. I went from my parent's world to m...

I have always been fascinated with the mind and exploring its potential. I have always sought minds that were worth exploring. But in order to find minds like these, I had to find open hearts. Because one must let you in on their world if they display their mind openly. Philosophers throughout the ages attempted to document their thoughts. But they had to have the hearts that enabled them to share that information. Most people are very close hearted. Yet which life is more rewarding? The public life or the private life? I live a very rich and fulfilling life invested into my own ideas. This is a public diary. I am not hiding my inner feelings. I am sharing them. I met a girl on a dating app. She seems really cool and is open to blogging and vlogging. She is interested in philosophy and mental health. I shared with her my "girl problems" video and she said it scared her because it was like I was talking about her. We didn't really get a chance to talk for very long because...

I have done it. I have taken the leap and hired a digital marketer. I am tired of making meaningful content that gets ignored. My work is pretty good. I deserve a following. I am going to try my luck having someone to promote my content. I am not a digital marketer and I have no idea how to get my work out there. So with what little I can spare each paycheck, I will attempt to promote my content. I used Fiverr to find someone who could promote my content for little money. I hope this works out and they do a good job. I did specify that I am only interested in finding real people to follow my work. That wasn't a problem for them. I shouldn't have to focus my time on digital marketing. I am a content producer, not a digital marketer. I wouldn't even know where to start. I need to be focusing on creating new content, not marketing myself to the public. There are people available to help with my digital marketing needs. And I just neglected to find someone who could help me wit...

I am not going to find the love of my life on dating apps. I want a woman to engage with philosophical ideas with me. Dating apps were not made for the content producer. I can get seen by more people by just sharing my ideas than I can in a dating app. I get more exposure making content than a dating app could ever provide. Because the dating app is not based off of ideas, it is based off of images of yourself. I can provide ideas and images of myself through video. I will never find my philosophy queen on a dating app. I will stop using dating apps as soon as my subscriptions run out. If I am to find my philosophy queen, I need to capture her through my ideas. I need to transform her world. I need to be the thing in life that she has always been looking for. I do not think that I will yet give up my pursuit to find this lady. I just can't have my whole life riding on it. If I find her, great. But if I do not, then that is fine too. I need to be able to accept all possibilities in ...

Let's take a step back and examine how I am blessed in life. Despite having so few friends and no lover, I am a very blessed individual. I am healthy and physically fit. I have plenty of food. I have a roof over my head in a good location. I live a meaningful life deeply invested into my own philosophy. I do what I want and when I want it. I don't have to consider the needs of others because I am independent. I make my own way in life and have no boss to tell me what to do. I don't even have to work. All that matters to me in this life is expressing who I am. And the Internet provides me all of the tools to be able to do that. Life is good. I just was not envisioning the entire picture. I was so focused on finding my soul mate that I lost perspective in life. I lost my senses madly in love. Now it is time I take back my life for myself. I am a highly creative individual that produces public content. My loneliness feeds my ability to express myself. My tears lead the discuss...

I guess I have always idealised a lover to be capable to solve all of my problems. If I only had a lover then I wouldn't be lonely. I wouldn't need friends if I had a lover because I could spend all of my time amusing her. But a lover is much more difficult to find than a friend. And a true friend is almost impossible to find. So how would I have any chance in finding a lover when I am almost incapable of finding friends? I think I should alter my dreams. It is getting a little bit late in life for me to start thinking about kids. But I would not want a lover unless we were able to have kids. I always wanted a family. I think it is time for me to accept defeat and move on with my life. I dedicated fourteen years to the pursuit of my soul mate. I could not find her. It is time to focus on trying to find content producing friends instead. I am going to put effort into developing myself as an individual, not just a potential partner for someone else. I need to think about who I am...

I don't want to travel anymore. There are no more experiences out there that I am interested in experiencing. I travelled around the world many times in my youth. But I have found the place that I call home. Canberra gave me a home when I really needed it. And I will forever be appreciative of that. I used to walk the bush of Canberra, but now that I have a dog to look after, I no longer do that. I am happy just hanging out in my home. I don't need to go anywhere. I don't have friends to entertain. I just sit here day to day hoping that I will come across someone unique on the Internet. Canberra has all of the environments that I could ever want. It doesn't have a beach but I am not fond of the beach. If I wanted I could travel to Sydney to go to the beach. But I don't want to do that. I want to live and die in Canberra. I have found my home base of operation. In my little box I explore my inner world. But I passionately seek others who also live rich and meaningful...

What does Christmas mean to people without friends and family in their life? Christmas holds so much meaning for the average person in this world but they neglect to think about the lonely people out there. Christmas is a day where families and friends come together. Those without families and friends will be spending the day in solitude. How can Christmas have meaning beyond other people? I don't celebrate holidays because holidays mean nothing to me. I don't get to spend the holidays invested in family and friends. I am just here at my house sitting in my chair all alone. Is this day supposed to be more special than the other days? They feel a lot like other days. Just me here, isolated and lonely. Santa did not come last night and there are no gifts to open. It is pretty hard to get into the Christmas spirit when Christmas to me just means loneliness and isolation. I have launched my blog publicly on my YouTube channel! I doubt this will bring in many readers, but it is wort...

https://wendellsdiary.com https://youtube.com/@WendellsDiary https://wendellsdiary.blogspot.com

I am going to try and use X again, the platform formally known as Twitter. I find myself needing one platform to post updates about both my blog and my YouTube channel. And I don't think Facebook is very good about sharing your content to other people when you post. My previous experience on X was an echo chamber. No one engaged in any of the posts and almost no one followed me. But I don't do it for those reasons. I need a platform to combine all of my projects into one, and X appears to be the best way to do it. I wish there were better ways to do this that were not Facebook or X. I don't really like either of the companies. But I needed a social handle that could advertise all of the projects that I invest myself in. I don't think the social media available to the public is very good for content producers. I have not ever been able to effectively advertise. There is no public place that I can go to post my links that will be seen by other people. I have all of this c...

I really love Blogger and I really love YouTube. These are two things that are in my life that are really fun for me to do. Right now I enjoy blogging much more than making videos. It is a lot less intrusive. But I am sure that I will in time go back to video. I have always gone between text and video to express myself over my life. And the flow that is reached while writing is amazing. It is my drug. Videos have this type of flow to them but they are only in short bursts. I can spend an hour making a video or I can spend hours writing a blog post. I like to complain about my life but we live in the best era possible. We saw technology develop from the ground up. And there is now an AI revolution that is capturing the hearts of humanity, making difficult tasks very simple. Technology changes the ways in which humans interact with their world. By constantly trying to maximise efficiency, we speed up the rate in which our technology evolves. More has been accomplished by humanity in my l...

My blogs are extremely enjoyable for me to experience. I just write the post, correct for potential errors, publish, and then go to the post and share it with my text-to-speech app. Then it reads my post back to me. I find this an extremely enjoyable way of consuming content. Text is small so you are never waiting on upload times and you don't have to worry about a thumbnail. I don't know why I did not start blogging earlier in life. I made books instead of blogging. Now those books are gone and forgotten. Which is more sustainable, writing books or blogging? Blogs are public meaning that this information can forever stay in the human bank of information. My books achieved me nothing. I have been into text-to-speech for all of my life. I have read many books using text-to-speech. But I don't read books anymore. I consume almost entirely my own content. I look for content out there of others doing something similar to me, but I have been unable to find any. But I will stay o...

I have nothing to say. I am just bored and don't know what to do. My life is so boring. Hardly anyone ever contacts me. It is strange since I have lived as a public person for the last fourteen years. It means my efforts accomplished nothing. I am exactly where I was before all of this started. But I am doing something new this time. I am writing a blog just for me. Sure it is public, but I remain hidden from society. I can do whatever I want and no one will notice. I live as a ghost within society. Nobody can see me. But I know that I exist because I have to endure the concept of time. How can I go beyond wanting a partner in life? Is this really the conclusion to my story? Just a guy who makes tons of content because he has nothing better to do. But my content is meaningful. It drives my day to day life. It guides me through an unknown world. I am a solitary individual and I have lived that way most of my life. There is no woman responsible for my accomplishments. That was all me...

I don't understand the phenomena of giving and receiving gifts. I live a life of minimalism and have everything that I need. I don't want other people buying me junk that I will feel bad to dispose of. And I don't want the responsibility of purchasing someone something that they may not need or want. I guess it doesn't matter though. I don't have anyone in my life who buys me gifts. But on the up side, I don't have to try and find other people gifts. I think everybody should have what they want. If they want something, they will find a way to get it. No one wants or needs a Christmas sweater. If I want something, I work on getting it. I don't wait around for other people to be generous enough to get it for me. I suppose when you have children things change because they have no financial way to be able to obtain the things that they want in life. So children are reliant on their parents to obtain them what they need and want in life. But does it have to be a ...

I used to be a young man. I had the world at my fingertips and I had a lot to say. I was 26 after my divorce. I was with her for nine years. As philosophy grew within me, my ex-wife and I grew apart. She was not at all philosophically inclined so as I began to make my life more and more about philosophy, the relationship further deteriorated. Until one day she left, cut contact, and told all her friends which were my friends to no longer speak with me. There I was at 26 in a foreign country without any relationships at all. I was working on my philosophy degree and abandoned all hope in my future. I tried to move back to be with my family but they didn't want me. Before going back to Australia to make a new life for myself, one of my adopted brothers stole a lot of money from me before leaving, so when I arrived in Australia, I was homeless because I could not afford bond to find a rental and I could not afford the accommodation. So I ended up dumping almost all my stuff, burning a...

Holidays are always the most difficult for me. Everything is closed, people hibernate, YouTubers go on break, so what is there for me to do? The answer is a lot of nothing. No people to enjoy time with, nothing to watch, no people to talk to, and nothing to do. People who are integrated into society don't know how good they have it with relationships. Some people in this world have no relationships. Some people just float never really knowing what to do next or what can achieve themselves relationships. When holidays come around everybody situates themselves close to their loved ones. No wonder I do not celebrate holidays. I don't have any loved ones to share it with. I do have one friend on the Internet. He is a really nice guy. But he doesn't talk to me daily. Maybe weekly. There is a lot left wanting in the friendship. But he is my only friend in this world. He watches my videos and hopefully he will read this blog. He is a really nice guy and he likes my work a lot. Out...

What is the point of living life when you have nothing to live for? I am not advocating suicide, but not existing would be far more preferable than existing. But everything is dependent on me finding love. My happiness is dependent on a girl that doesn't exist. I don't want to live but at the same time I don't want to miss the opportunity to find my soul mate. So I am trapped in purgatory until I die or until I find my soul mate. This is the difference between heaven and hell. Life without my soul mate is in between death and life. Not quite dead but not alive either. Growing old without my soul mate is torture. And finally, dying without ever finding her is my eternal damnation. All my soul has ever cared about is finding love. So much so that I dedicated my life to do so. But dedicating your life to a female who is not there is only dedicating your life to yourself. I have given myself to myself. This is the results of an individual who has embraced who he is. My love of ...