mental travel

I don't want to travel anymore. There are no more experiences out there that I am interested in experiencing. I travelled around the world many times in my youth. But I have found the place that I call home. Canberra gave me a home when I really needed it. And I will forever be appreciative of that. I used to walk the bush of Canberra, but now that I have a dog to look after, I no longer do that. I am happy just hanging out in my home. I don't need to go anywhere. I don't have friends to entertain. I just sit here day to day hoping that I will come across someone unique on the Internet.

Canberra has all of the environments that I could ever want. It doesn't have a beach but I am not fond of the beach. If I wanted I could travel to Sydney to go to the beach. But I don't want to do that. I want to live and die in Canberra. I have found my home base of operation. In my little box I explore my inner world. But I passionately seek others who also live rich and meaningful lives to experience. I want to know what other people think it means to be human. What meaning can they extract from the world based on the experiences in their lives? I might live in Canberra but I live in an international online environment. I want experiences from other heartfelt individuals. I can obtain that from the comfort of my own home if I can just find other content producers like me.

I live in a virtual world. It is full of ones and zeros. The image that I represent through my artistic representations are as close as possible to the person who I really am. It is always difficult to convey an abstraction. The soul has few words that can express it. It is not tangible. We can talk about it but we cannot see it. We can only see the fruits it produces, healthy or unhealthy. We can see the rotten filth that they produce and that can help us assess what type of heart created it. The fruits will represent the heart of the creator. The creator must stretch themselves to be able to achieve the character in which they represent.

My words are like ideals that I have that come from within my soul. To be able to express something, one must first imagine it. If one has no ability to imagine something then they have nothing to say about it. You can always seek outside for new imaginations and then empathise. This then creates the framework to be able to speak on such subjects. We call this process learning. But one can learn from the self or external stimuli. And rarely does external stimuli provide any meaning to a person's life. A person has to create that meaning if they want to exist in a meaningful world. The world is not going to provide them meaning. They must create it with fruits of their own.

The Internet has so much potential to find and create meaning. It is just really difficult finding people interested in becoming content creators. I have all of the tools to become very successful at what I am doing. I just don't have the people to make it happen. It is always something. I am trying to get over having lost in love in life by creating the life that I would want for myself independent of a romantic other. But that includes finding friends. And you can't control the actions of other people. If other people wanted to be here with me, then they would be. But they are not and I am alone. I don't care that I don't have any physical friends. But I really do want online friends. But it seems that no one has the time to spend to develop an amazing friendship.

What should I expect in this life? Is a roof over my head and plenty of food enough for a human to survive healthily? Should I expect social connections in my life or is that something only reserved for the masses? Is having friends a human right? I say this but I have left a lot of friends in my past. There are a lot of people out there who make terrible friends. Can I not find a group of friends because I actually have standards? Is being kind to your friend really too much to ask? I fail at finding friends because I want them to follow my content. I want them to join me on my life journey. And most people are too concerned with their own lives to stop and look at another's.

Most people don't have time for me. I am a very time consuming friend because I produce a lot of content. Most people fill up their lives with mainstream entertainment, not some guy constantly complaining that he has no friends. But I do have one friend. He just doesn't contact me often. I always have great conversations with him when he is on. I wish he would dedicate more of his time talking with me because I get so very bored. It is difficult forming a strong connection with someone if you are not speaking to them daily. So many days of my life are spent with zero human communication. I hate this and I don't know how to fix it.

When I was a child I wanted to become a psychologist when I grew up. I was fascinated with the mind and how it processed information. Now I spend my days analysing the results of my own mind. I am a psychologist of the self. As a child, if I were introduced to philosophy, then I bet you that I would have wanted to become a philosopher. But philosophers were not allowed in my household because they were devils promoting man made ideology. In order to become a philosopher in life, I had to turn on everything my childhood taught me. I had to relearn the world before me.

My childhood was bad. A belt was used as punishment. My family rejected the ways of the world. World philosophies were temptations to sin. A strict Christian family. But then they split up and broke our family apart. Now I rarely speak to any of my family, not because I don't want to, but because they don't want me in their lives. I have tried to become a more important part of their lives on many occasions. But I always fail. I was a child that wrote his emotions for his parents to see. But they just laughed and never read it. They don't follow my work. They don't care about my life at all. And I am supposed to remember their birthdays and Mother's Day and Father's Day. They get four days out of the year and they deserve none.

Am I happy in life? Am I unhappy? Isn't life good for me? But isn't it also bad for me? Is what I want out of life really asking too much? I am healthier than I have ever been. I am physically in good shape. I spend my time invested in meaning. I am the person who I want to be in life. I chose the correct pursuits in this life to focus on. I just really desire meaningful connections with other individuals. This is my life and the meaning I can extract from it. I thirst for the meaning other individuals have found in life. But not many people out there that want to share what meaning they have found. And maybe that is because they have not yet found meaning in their life that drives them to share it. Here is my meaning. What is yours?